i can watch and not take part

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 15:10:32 GMT

haha i havent even checked whent the last time i posted in this was.. probably quite a while ago.

i really feel great.there is no group of people i love more than my friends.
that's all i can think to say
oh, and boston too.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 22:39:47 GMT

so uhmmm ,yea i'm pretty excited

boston was awesome. love friends

but tomrrow, i'm going to worcester to speak with Jarrett Krosoczka, the writer and illustrator of such books as Punk Farm, Max for President, My Buddy Slug, and others. Punk Farm is currently being turned into a movie by Dreamworks. I'm talking to him tomorrow to see if i can intern for him....! so yea, i've met him before, he's an amazingly nice, inspiring guy who loves what he does, so really, wish me luck with that, cos this could be something that could change a lot for me

goddddd i'm hoping

i smell like vegetables

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 02:34:08 GMT

so, sean farrell was right

blow drying poison ivy makes it itch 10 billion times more, then it makes it less itchy

now i have aloe all over it. a fucking week of steroids, and a shot, and calomine, and benadryl, AND IT'S STILL SPREADING.

fuckin a! anyway, i developed the camera from ryan's last day. i've had extreme ups and downs today, and i ended up sitting on the hood of my car at lighthouse, completely still, for about half an hour. there are a lot of things goin on in my head, and i really have started to worry

i came home, and IMMEDIATELY, even before i walked in, my mom somehow knew. she showed me the new socks she bought for me (<3mum) and kept on inching towards asking me what was wrong, then for some reason i blurted out "i dont want him to die" and she gave me a nice mom talk about having hope. i really love her. and i really love him.

i really love a lot of things
..

god i miss him.

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 02:50:19 GMT

jesse flynn got sent to iraq. i dont really know the kid but it makes me 3489274897x more worried about ryan.

a story to tell the kids

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 20:56:37 GMT

i drank goldschlager despite the fact that i'm allergic to metal

so many hives.

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 00:55:12 GMT

god i fucking hate this house.

god i fucking hate it

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 05:43:27 GMT

i am completely shitfaced.

it's missy's birthday, so i was with her getting drunk, i met my brother's ex-romance, krista, and somehow like half the peploe there brought up ryan without me mentioning him, which made me miss him so much more

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 02:45:06 GMT

hi everyone.

let's see... summer's pretty much almost over. i'm excited to start this new hooyah at cccc. i hope it works out. they said if they can find something worth it, for my internship, they'll send me up to boston once a week to work with someone of a good profession according to my career aspirations. siq

i'm upset that i havent seen snakes on a plane yet.

it's been about 2 1/2 weeks since ryan left and he's not comin back til christmas. i really hate being a repetitive sappy girl, but it does suck a lot. every once in a while he gets a chance to call, so every time my phone rings i get all anxious and excited and it's usually not him.. but he sends letters and calls asoften as he can. goddamn i miss him a lot

took a bunch of fotos with kat today, which was pretty brawesome; i'll post them when i get them

lovelove

oh by the way i'm almost 18.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 01:38:13 GMT

goddamn. it's only been like 11 hours since i last saw ryan and i've been a wreck. i didn't see this coming at all. i was sure that i'd miss him, but i've been crying on and off all day. i say on and off because every time i'd start crying, i'd remember that we're still together and that he's coming back.

i'm a sappy girl

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 03:56:06 GMT

happy birthday in twelve minutes, max

went to the barnstable county fair with steffen, max, mike,. jim, laura, jess, tim, alex, and others today. it was pretty fun. i wasted money

new thoughts and whatnot

i'm aware that the topic of me not being around has been discussed, and i've been thinking about it

first and foremost, ryan doesn't have anything against the way my friends look.
i dont know who started that bullshit, but it isn't true.
there have been some recent conflicts with circumstances due to friends dating friends then reaching an end. this, i know, can be an akward, painful, and long period in which things grow back to normality. i think i should say that dating someone who isn't in our group of friends allows me to carry on my life and things i love while at the same time persuing something that gives me a sense of something different, both in personality and in emotion. ryan leaves on august second.

we're staying together, and i dont think it will be too hard. i'll need to pay a lot of attention to school and art, and hopefully work, so that will take my mind off of him not being around, and definitely prevent me from even wanting interest in anything romantic with anyone else.

i'm sorry i haven't been around. it's been a real multi-faceted situation in which i've tried to handle everything best i can, and as of august third, i will be around all the time whether you want me or not.

i love my friends dearly. i've said this for years and i will say it again. being brought into my group of friends is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. i love my friends.

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 05:12:21 GMT

uhm, ryan leaves in less than a month. i went night swimming with kat max tim larua and jess

work.

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 15:45:31 GMT

You are a Rage Zombie. Infected monkeys attacked some PETA zealots, and 28 days later, you're a mindless raging living zombie. You never died, but in the 20 seconds between your infection and zombification, you wish you had. You can be killed with surprising ease.
Take this quiz!

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 11:34:12 GMT

my head is in a cloud full of birds yelling at me!

so i'm working, making money, getting gas for the stupid car, and there are a lot of people i need to touch bases with. i've been reviving bonds with the girlies a little bit. school ends wednesday, but not for me!!! i have to finish my mural, which i like so far.

i must say, it's not that i have no fear for the future (career/college), but moreso my ambitions outweigh my fear tremendously, and there's no way i can let myself back out of my choice

ryan leaves in less than six weeks. it's kinda bad, we'll be hanging out, and something will remind us, and i just push it aside, pretending i'll know what to do when he goes.

i think i'm going to the beach today with the girlies.

have fun being pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppepito

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 21:41:19 GMT

super mega update!

i'm really sorry i haven't been around lately. i've been hibernating. i woke up today

i really hope whatever is keeping me from writing like i used to disintegrates, i read a long lost poem today and i liked it.

i saw radiohead live..... UM amazing. i love them so much. i made a radiohead stencil (lol copyright)

Mon, 01 May 2006 21:44:23 GMT

i love that picture

SO i was the only girl in my gym class today. basically a shitload of bros with a few exceptions. long story short, i'm showering after class and i hear the locker room doors open and close like four times. i kinda get nervous but nothing happens, so i'm wakling to my locke in a towel and mr. fucking thomas walks in. he sees me, says sorry, and gets out. mrs. cmahon comes in and i ask "what was mr.thomas doing in the girl's locker room?!" she responds

"looking for shawn mcglyn"

so. i hate shawn mcglyn. his story is that he and tc went in to get alex's lighter which was in my pocket, and that they called out my name, but never really went in... which is bs, cos i heard walking, and doors, but no voices at all, and when i got out, the lighter was still in my pocket.

if shawn mcglyn wasn't notorious for basically raping girls, i wouldnt be so pissed. i dont even think he got called into the principal's office. nothing happened. at all. two guys were in my locker room while i was showering alone and no one does a thing... except of course send in a male teacher.

go chatham high.

big news!

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 21:17:58 GMT

susy lost one of milenko (her ball python)'s feeder mice. i found it today in the bird seed, and i was gonna feed it to milenko, but i was holding it by its tail, and i held it up against the toaste to see what it'd do to its reflection, and it was bouncing off of it, like a person scaling down a mountain, pushingoff with it's feet and bouncing.

so i named it Computer Mouse and it's in a giant biscotti jar with some bird seed.

say hi to Computer Mouse

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 16:38:44 GMT

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|	20%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|	16%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|	16%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 11:23:12 GMT

go to this!!!

FREE SHOW. starts at 6, the armory show, xSEARCHx, the western syndrome, nepenthe (stoneham, ma), kids of carnage, and cut down the tall trees. FREE SHOW NO MONEY TO GET IN AT ALL at the chatham village on rte 28 right over the harwich line. come to this show its worth it.

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 23:26:37 GMT

stuff's good. arthur just came on. i'm really happy with hr my art allState interview went, they were psyched about my art and i was psyched about them being psyched. there was one girl there, she had the coolest vase ever. the shape itself was awesome, but to finish it off, there were black and white portraits or jack and meg white on it, and it was so cool. i commended her on such an awesome vase.

anyway!

OH MY GOD I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS EPISODE OF ARTHUR

FUCK OFF EVERYONE I'M WATCHING ARTHUR.

"those pioneers were d-u-u-u-l-l-l-l duuuuulllllllllllllll" - francine

------------ ok the episode's over

so yea, my 4c's interview is tomorrow. should go over well. then pantera bread/rikki tikki tavi/othermovie
with ho-bag

bye

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:49:45 GMT

take those painted nails of yours
dig them into your childhood tendons
ligaments binding you to the people you're poisoning
quote the drunken words you exhaled
20 minutes before you were vomiting alone outside
and 2 hours before you kissed your fashionista friend's mouth
drooling lipstick and vodka
your broken little eyes slit open
looking your spectators up and down
their lust so palpable you might as well build your throne with it
wrap your fucking tongue around the girl who wishes she were you
drain the color out of the innocent face
that used make her mother beam
adieu
i'll pretend the white bra you threw on the floor
was a white flag
surrendering your ambitions
snuffing out the remainder of your innocent years
i just wish you could hold a face of regret
with one last look of those eyes i once knew
and thought i'd know forever

i know that is beyond hope as well
adieu

i fucking hate crap napkin so much.

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 00:33:44 GMT

i hung out with the kids of carnage and the jersey boys, so that was awesome. we had a fucking snowball fight and tony smashed me in the face with a slushball. saturday night was another disappointment thanks to the juice bar, but tws played well. i really fucking hate the juice bar and crap napkin.

wanna know one reason i really love punk/punk shows?

^^^i'm somewhere in there, but i'm too short to be seen.

anyway, there are no tough guy assholes here! only good people who all know the words and all love where they are.

i'm sure i'm gonna get made fun of, but hey, there aren't fights at these shows, and i'm friends with 80% of the people there, 95% of the people i'm aquainted with there. it's fun! and yes, i do like punk music. and there wasn't one fucking pair of bondage pants there, or stupid 15 year old sluts making out with each other

i'm sore. i need to start my dress, and i need to catch up on homework.

bye!

ryan is a bro

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 06:20:10 GMT

and he's going to the army

dugan o disaster: mmmm. being hanged by your wrists until your shoulders break
dugan o disaster: fun
rpc1030: awesome
dugan o disaster: yea. thats what they did to american soldiers
dugan o disaster: .
rpc1030: who
dugan o disaster: vietnamese
dugan o disaster: pow camps
rpc1030: faggots

dugan o disaster: you are such a bro

PUNKY CHIPS AHOY! OI! OI! OI!

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 19:51:24 GMT

goddamn. stupid fucking cookies. anyway! good weekend, i think my block is finally FUCKING DEAD.

yess!

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 15:50:36 GMT

oh, by the way

and thanks to alex's photoshopping:

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 09:03:18 GMT

just playing

   it is
three thirty eight.
338
3+8=11
338
3+3=6
8- (3+3) = 2
338/2= 169
sqrt 169 = 13
13 +8 = 21
21/3= 7
3+3+8 = 14, 14/7=2,
{sq rt [338/ (8- (3+3))] = 13
13 - 2 = 11, - 3= 8

i stopped trying to find an interesting solution.
sorry.

that fucking hat, where did it come from? the "life isn't fair but god is good" hat? ha.

the real journal i have is kinda just a record of mockery, of stupid childish notes that make you kinda notice why people live without them.

i had fun tonight. frustrated bcause of my drawing-block... and my writer's block... and... block.

you don't even know
you don't even know
you don't even know
        girl in the coat in the park
        girl in the coat in the park.